The last few weeks it seems that I have been in a real rut; something close to feeling a bit depressed. I usually chock it up to some kind of project post-partum, which I'm sure is a huge component. I really got to thinking and there was a bit of an apprehension on my part to do the second run as it stands; as we've planned, rather. The main thing being that I am still recovering financially from the show. There were a lot of things that went unpaid personally that I still have to catch up on.
Knowing that, knowing I will spend whatever resources I have to make firstborn happen; I must also become much better at one thing: Self-Care. I decided that it wasn't wise to push forward regardless of our financial situation. I needed to "run-and-jump" blindly with the last run; mainly because I needed to get the project out into the world. Now it is about precision; wisdom gained, and most importantly, efficiency.
I got a chance to get away for a day or two here and there. Got to sit by the ocean and have her calm my soul. Cool sea air brushing and tickling my face. Breathing deeply and filling my lungs with love. Then I came back home, and it didn't seem to be enough. As an artist, my mood swings don't surprise me, they are just uncomfortable sometimes. Vacillating between feeling VERY deeply to numbing myself so that I don't feel anything can be quite tiring. But I've been here before. It passes. It gets better. One day soon I'll have looked up and to my amazement the world will be in technicolor again. The flowers and birds singing; ladybugs landing on my shoulder. It's just the in-between that isn't fun...
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