Tough Decisions...

I have had things swirling around in my head for quite some time regarding the second run. The issue has been this: where Firstborn left me after the show was a damaged place. What I need to feel whole, creative and functional wasn't necessarily supplied by he original show; although I realize that the show was helpful to many of the people that participated in and saw it.

I have been aware for sometime that the original show was immensely challenging for me; I also thought there would be a place where it would be worth it to "bootstrap" the 2nd run because of who the show would serve. I had to go back to my original intentions; this was supposed to be a film so that it could be made and have a life of it's own in distribution. Live theater doesn't provide the space to be objective. Something is happening in front of you live, you are a part of it. I wasn't even proud of myself after the first show. I was just exhausted, depleted and depressed.

With the short show, the adapted show, it was different. I felt good, I felt proud of myself and ultimately understood what I was supposed to be feeling after the original show. It feels good to be hopeful again, and to be inspired. I'm looking forward to the new life the adapted show has inspired, especially since the story intentions still come across strongly - a family healing after trauma.

I feel very proud of myself for making this tough decision, and am excited about creating more works.

After the festival...

today was awesome. i loved watching this show unfold. it was much less stressful than the bigger show, for so many reasons, and it really showed how much can be done with small space. it inspired me so much. the cast was so great, they really came together and hit all their marks. our word for today was PRECISION. and it was precise. i was so proud, especially to see the faces of my friends and family.

today's show made me so hopeful, it made me feel my purpose, and why i write and create. i haven't had that feeling in months. a man came up to me after the show and couldn't speak. he just sobbed and held my hand. it was so moving. next week (after i finish with my workshops) i'll have more news about moving forward on firstborn. now, i'm gonna take a nap... :)