47 days 'til Curtain...

One thing I appreciate about where I am now; meaning about getting older and maturing, is that I deal with things much differently than I did when I was younger. I understand INTENTION--particularly my intention so much more; and that intention is a blueprint for actions (not just for paving the road to hell...lol).

When I was younger, I left "caution in the wind" - I think that is how the saying goes. The "chips would fall where they may" more, if you know what I mean. Now, I understand that whether or not I have a lot of experience as a director isn't the hugest thing. The bigger/larger thing is what kind of experience do I want, and what do I want for my cast and crew; what do they want? These things together will create the collective experience of FIRSTBORN.

I had all these notions of what a director should be in my mind; this unreasonable, manicky, emotionally-abusive person who was leading a team into "greatness". We've all seen it on TV, or the movies, or live in person as I have. But I know that that isn't the experience that I want to have or provide. I want my cast and crew to have a beneficial growth period, full of creativity and imagination. That is important to me.

Photo: Derric Brock (AMIR), LaToya Johns (DAJA), and Tatiana Monet (NIKA) warming up. (c) 2010 Mike Padua

50 days 'til Curtain...

Great communication...the final frontier. These are the voyages of the USS Firstborn...

I think some of this journey is about seeing my own growth as a person and communicator. There was a time when my communication skills were absolutely HORRIBLE and I definitely needed some development in that area. And while we all have room to improve, I appreciate the fact that I can say what I need and what doesn't work for me, etc. Some people innately have great boundaries and some people have had to work on it. (Guess which one I am...lol)

Last night we had another rehearsal. This time with Roman, Claudine, Daja and Rachelle. I love watching them play around and just seeing all the things they come up with. They all add a depth to the characters that furthers the initial vision that I had for them.

Tonight we take some photos, our photographer, Mike Padua, is going to come through. He really took some great photos of Audrey and Daja last time, so I am excited to see what tonight will be. I also meet with Thandiwe and Debera (Set Design and Construction, respectively) tonight. The vision that Thandiwe has for the set seems very simple and doable. So that is exciting as well.

We are definitely getting closer to our Curtain and there still is a lot to do in terms of promotions, materials and ticket sales. I am deeply grateful for all the support that the project has...it really makes a difference. And now, breakfast...

51 days 'til curtain...

Tonight was our first script-based rehearsal. Hearing the words and watching the cast interplay is so fascinating to me. Each day I work with the cast, it becomes clearer and clearer what a Director does. They facilitate tempo, timing, connection; they create the environment FOR the actors to work well. If you can create a creative safe space, then it will come.

I also have such a better understanding about what my directing mistakes were in the past; especially with the last piece I directed. With each project I want to make progress as a facilitator, as a visionary. Learning to relax the hypercritical need I have for perfection; opening my heart and spirit to divine play. To trust, like in nature, when seeds have the right amount of warmth, water and soil, they grow.

Firstborn saved me. It saved me from a spiritual death. It saved me from a life of bitterness. It taught me to love and open my heart; taught me compassion, and that the love I've needed has always been around me. It's mirrored my personal life; it's given me courage in my personal life. So to be able to give something back to this project means a great deal to me. To give it life and put it on the stage is just the beginning.

52 Days 'til curtain...

It's funny, I find myself missing the cast already. I miss working with them. We start our script-based rehearsals tomorrow; although it'll still be a mix of exercises and script work. The biggest thing is learning everyone's style--who responds to what the best. My goal is to be a great "coach" director; to mine and refine the innate talent that the cast already has. I have learned sooo much about casting this time; and with the cast that I have, I can see why it is so important now.

I had a good meeting with Marta, the Costume Designer today. We went over the wardrobe for most of the characters. I love envisioning how they will all look on stage in their colors and shifts. Thandiwe and I also went over the basic design for the set and will meet with the set construction person on Thursday. I do believe I lost my Lighting designer, and am still looking for a sound technician.

But, other than that, it's going well. The meeting with Lara, the graphic designer went well, she'll have some rough drafts for the poster soon. Alisha(Audrey) is meeting with Dana (the pianist doing some tracks for us) tonight to get the song in the right key for her. And I, I am thirsty. I really need to make sure I have a water bottle with me. I did tell the cast to make sure they take care of themselves...

53 days 'til Curtain...

Last night was one of those nights where I was again shown the synchronicity of the Universe. Here I am, minding my own business--prepping for the show. I go to what I affectionately call the "Monkey Tea House" (L'Amyx) on Lakeshore. They are having an open mic, but I think it'll be okay. Of course, it's too loud.

I see a couple of people I know, greet them, talk for a while. I see this woman I met before, Erica Huggins. She's a teacher here in the Bay Area, and was a part of the Panther Party. I say hello to her, remind her of how we met, and invite her to the show. She has a young woman come over, and wants me to tell her about the show. I tell her, of course, and find out the young woman has also been violated by a minister.

We talked for a while, a long while. It was such a trip, because I remembered being EXACTLY where she was when I was that age--just 21. I remember all the confusion, all the shame and guilt, feeling responsible for it all. I remember needing to do something different, but not knowing what or where to start. I know I don't have all the answers for what to do/not do on your journey; but I do know that all of it begins with one step. I know that there is a time when all you can do is focus on the step you're taking instead of the overall journey. I know that choosing to heal and love freely is the best choice I've ever made for myself; even though it hasn't always been easy or fun--it's always been worth it. I was grateful in that moment for growth, for my choices, for deciding to write, for staying alive, and for bearing witness to truth.

I continue to be grateful as I move into the first week of rehearsals.

55 Days 'til Curtain...

Yesterday was really fun. Nika and Amir's bonding is very different from Roman and Claudine's because they are a couple at a different time in their lives. Although both Nika and Claudine come from troubled childhoods that both men are a critical part of moving them out of; Nika and Amir are embarking on the future with hope and a vision for the future, while Claudine is reflecting on what used to be with Roman and how things got where they are now.

All that to say that Amir and Nika's bonding gets to be more playful, youthful; things that young folks do. Movies, Ice Cream, Pizza, lots of joking around. So that was a nice break from some of the heaviness of Roman and Claudine's bonding--but I wouldn't like it if there wasn't that intensity either.

So we went for dinner, then they went to see Valentine's Day. After that Nika tried on some clothes at Pea in a Pod. It was interesting to watch their dynamics; how she really helps Amir not take himself so seriously, and how he helps her feel secure with his focus on the future. They went to the jeweler to look at rings, him more interested in a nice band than her. Very sweet. Next week, we get into the rehearsals...this weekend prepping and resting.

56 Days 'til Curtain

So here was my chinese horoscope yesterday: Tiffany, A spiritual insight comes to you with great power, and it brings a burden of responsibility for leadership. Others will be looking to you for inspiration or guidance, and you need to walk a fine line between "teacher" and "guru". Make them be responsible for their own choices.

At first I was like, "hmm, interesting." Last night's bonding session with Roman and Claudine was really intense and powerful for me. I have been wanting to work on their complexity as individuals and as a couple. What I find is, just as hard as it was for me to write Roman; it is hard for someone to play Roman. I don't know why I thought whomever I cast wouldn't really struggle with the character.

When I talked to Andre, and he disclosed that he was having issues with it, it reminded me of how painful and hardcore it was to write Roman--make him real, and human. I wrestled with that for years, battled with him; sometimes he was so much more powerful than I was, I feared him for such a long time. I had to find a way inside him--not to agree with his actions, or justify them; but to understand him and his role in the story. It took years for me to realize that Roman was a paper tiger. That he looked scary, and when I got up close, it wasn't the boogey man I thought it was.

So I do have a responsibility to my cast; to facilitate a performance that is honest and real, and is balanced. I guess I just realized last night the work that is REALLY ahead of me. I'm just thankful that I am so ready for it...

58 days 'til Curtain

Tonight was inspiring. We had our basic script read and introductions. All of the casting choices made sense when I heard it all together. Their voices together made something tangible and meaningful. Each cast member gave something unique and very specific that the story needed.

The inspiration to unearth the gems inside each character is so intense for me right now. The rest of the week is some bonding sessions with Nika/Amir and Roman/Claudine; which I definitely am looking forward to.

Sunday I meet with Lara to talk about designing the posters for the show. Have a few PR things to do as well. But tonight it became very clear to me: I NEED AN ASSISTANT.

59 Days 'til Curtain...

That number just keeps getting smaller and smaller. Oh, but the good news first... we have a Roman, ladies and gentlemen!! I am pleased with my casting choices. One thing, is even though I had seen quite a few actors for Roman, some were very talented, but just weren't Roman. Some were OBVIOUSLY not a fit for this show, but not a fit for acting full-time. It was brutal. But, I'm grateful we have our man. Now comes the fun part, rehearsals!

I am very excited to see what the principals bring to the table, what we can unearth together and learn about the characters from play.

Tomorrow we have our read, some more character bonding this week, then rehearsals next week.

Oh, the photo is one of my favorite pictures our photographer, Mike Padua took last week of characters Audrey and Daja (Alisha Hampton and LaToya Johns, respectively).

64 Days 'til Curtain

So I just got home from the family pre-rehearsal #2. What I can say that I totally agree with William Ball (author of Sense of Direction) about is casting correctly is 80% of the work.

I will admit, I have miscast things in the past, mainly because I didn't really have a clue as to what it TRULY was about, or how to mine from an actor what I REALLY needed. We are all growing here, so as long as we are learning our body of work matures.

For the last couple of nights, I've been having the family grow, giving them scenarios to be fully in character, notes here and there. I'm watching them bond, grow, listen to one another and it is so meaningful to observe it. I know what they are doing is very challenging. Acting, or channeling rather, requires such a vulnerability and honesty. Acting is not easy, otherwise I'da had a doggone Roman by now...lol.

The first night was just a family dinner. Setting up the dynamics, the subtext in each relationship. Tonight we had a surprise birthday party for Daja. Cake, ice cream, balloons, streamers, the whole nine. They played Uno, Bingo, and tonight was the night Audrey found out she had cancer again. They tell the girls at tomorrow's session. It's so awesome to develop them this way, especially with talent who fully immerse themselves.

I love it. Tomorrow's gonna be flippin' awesome.