Decisions, decisions, decisions

The last few weeks it seems that I have been in a real rut; something close to feeling a bit depressed. I usually chock it up to some kind of project post-partum, which I'm sure is a huge component. I really got to thinking and there was a bit of an apprehension on my part to do the second run as it stands; as we've planned, rather. The main thing being that I am still recovering financially from the show. There were a lot of things that went unpaid personally that I still have to catch up on.

Knowing that, knowing I will spend whatever resources I have to make firstborn happen; I must also become much better at one thing: Self-Care. I decided that it wasn't wise to push forward regardless of our financial situation. I needed to "run-and-jump" blindly with the last run; mainly because I needed to get the project out into the world. Now it is about precision; wisdom gained, and most importantly, efficiency.

I got a chance to get away for a day or two here and there. Got to sit by the ocean and have her calm my soul. Cool sea air brushing and tickling my face. Breathing deeply and filling my lungs with love. Then I came back home, and it didn't seem to be enough. As an artist, my mood swings don't surprise me, they are just uncomfortable sometimes. Vacillating between feeling VERY deeply to numbing myself so that I don't feel anything can be quite tiring. But I've been here before. It passes. It gets better. One day soon I'll have looked up and to my amazement the world will be in technicolor again. The flowers and birds singing; ladybugs landing on my shoulder. It's just the in-between that isn't fun...

88 days 'til Second Curtain...

Wow, it's been a real interesting last few weeks. I had to come to terms with really being burned out over all and extremely exhausted. I got a chance recently to just sleep by the water; something I needed so much. The next 88 days are going to be gone before I know it, but this time I really will relish the experience.

The thing with Firstborn in general, is that it really left me very raw and vulnerable. There were times during the last process that it was extremely healing for me; and other times when that vulnerability had really gotten exacerbated by other things going on. I think I needed some time to just be normal for a minute. To be in between; to not have to be a superwoman, be strong. I needed to cry; to let go, to emerge from the ashes.

This run, I feel stronger. I feel more grounded. I feel a little more rested. I know I have an immense amount of support. And overall, I am grateful to be able to do it again.

15 Days after curtain...

I'm pretty happy. I just confirmed the dates with the theater for the 2nd run; April 13-15th, & 20-22nd . My goal with this run is to tighten up the show; there are a few things that can be cut. Then to shorten the scene changes; or figure out a way to do away with them as much as possible. I have only one more cast member to contact about the dates.

Tomorrow, I update the website, put the online tickets on sale and then I do need some kind of vacation. I have a few days next week that I can get away hopefully. Still cleaning the house; spring cleaning. I still need rest; I'm pretty tired, but I think it'll be fine after I get a nice little vacation.